Ranking all the episodes of Black Mirror

because I can. Disclaimer - this is all my personal opinion

Black Mirror is an anthology show, each episode is its own story, its own world. Some of the worlds overlap, and some don’t. Think Twilight Zone but the connecting thread is always technology.

3.04 San Junipero - Best

Not a horror, just a weird scifi love story and absolutely something you should watch if you can’t handle any of the others. Please watch! It’s gay, it has a wonderful soundtrack, it’s not obvious or predictable and it’s just lovely.

5.03 Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too - Almost the Best

What feels like deeply personal story from one of the stars - Miley Cyrus stars as Ashley O, a teen pop star with a deeply controlling manager/family member. The story is not horror but it’s a disturbing drama perhaps, with that relationship. The main story is about an ordinary teen with a little AI Ashley doll and it’s wholesome, exciting and deeply fun.

4.01 USS Callister

Just a brilliant piece of scifi, a parody of Star Trek, an examination of tech bro culture and a kind of Ready Player One takedown if you look closely enough. I love this episode, it has some minor horror elements, but it has a very satisfying ending and some excellent one liners.

3.01 Nosedive - So fun

I love this one. You know the Meow-Meow Beanz episode of Community? Same sort of thing. Fantastic performance by Bryce Dallas Howard, I wouldn’t call this a horror, it’s a slow downward spiral

Movie: Bandersnatch

I love this one so much. It’s an interactive film, where you make decisions for the main character. The main character is busy making a video game of branching paths, based on a choose-your-own adventure book. Inception has nothing on this, and several parts of the various stories had me laughing out loud. In terms of horror there’s discomfort, but nothing truly scary.

4.04 Hang the DJ

Another one which isn’t horror, just a kind of weird world where you’re matched with people and there’s a set time to your relationship. Awkward, for sure, but no horror elements, great story.

4.05 Metalhead

Usually if someone makes media that’s very close to an actual nightmare I’ve had, I don’t like it. This is the exception. Robot dog apocalypse is a great episode and highly rewatchable. Horror of the survival type, not people being awful to each other.

2.01 Be Right Back

With the emotional gravitas and excellent acting of something like Never Let Me Go this is one of the best examples of the kind of story that can be told when the only boundary is ‘set it around a weird possible tech.’ It’s sad, it’s about AI allowing you to bring back a loved one. Not a horror story.

4.06 Black Museum

This one comes with a ton of content warnings and a short sequence I have to fast forward, but it’s an excellent piece of television. A museum of the macabre, referencing other episodes and new stories. Deeply disturbing in many ways, but I dunno, I just love it. A righteous and satisfying ending goes a long way for me.

3.06 Hated in the Nation

Dealing with the weaponisation of social media in a very real way. Touching on the importance of bees for the ecosystem and public personas, it’s framed like a crime investigation. Pretty cool, would have watched a whole season of this detective.

2.03 The Waldo Moment

This one hits really hard in the wake of Trumpism. The story of a comedian who invents a satirical character who ‘tells it like it is’ and inadvertently starts a political movement. It’s well made but quite predictable and ultimately pretty bleak

5.02 Striking Vipers

This one isn’t a horror, it’s a kind of video-game queerbaiting disappointment of a story. It has Anthony Mackie in it, which is great, he’s great, and I wanted very badly to like it, but the way the story plays out just sits wrong with me.

3.03 Shut Up and Dance

Bleak but I really enjoyed this - what if a troll used the dodgy stuff you do online to blackmail you to do crimes in the real world? Check CW for this one, as I do know a friend who had the same reaction to this one that I had to White Bear, whereas they didn’t mind White Bear at all.

3.02 Playtest

A pretty good spooky games-based horror, but I dunno this one is kind of forgettable, and you’ll probably guess the twist ending. I remember really liking the visuals but it is definitely a horror.

5.02 Smithereens

This one is another not-really-horror, but also just not that interesting story. dealing with social media, texting while driving, grief and revenge, the best part of it is Topher Grace as the tech CEO. But I don’t remember being impressed with the story.

Christmas special: White Christmas

This one is brilliant, but absolutely haunts me to this day. There’s cool layers of weirdness, not predictable storylines, weird af tech and horrible uses for it. I really like the performances (John Hamm!) but it’s bleak, bleak, bleaaaakkk so I haven’t watched it again

4.02 Arkangel

Definitely a horror about parental control, predictable and awful. Excellently made but… urgh. Unfun.

1.02 Fifteen Million Merits

What if reality TV gives me the break I need to stop living in a boring repetitive world?

Solid structure, nightmare world, gave me nightmares immediately

3.05 Men Against Fire

Horrible story about the possibilities of Augmented Reality when it comes to war and combat. Just… too believable, and possible, and that makes it pretty damn hard to watch.

1.03 A Complete History of You

Is a man’s wife cheating?

This episode takes a cool technology and tells absolutely the most boring possible story in the most straightforward way possible.

4.03 Crocodile

I don’t know, this one is just a spiral of awfulness and senseless killing. The tech is barely a plot point, and it’s just… pretty awful. The very last moment, the twist, is great but I don’t think it’s worth watching just for that.

2.02 White Bear - the worst that I watched

This is a horror in every sense, a strange world of isolation and confusion, and a huge dose of public humiliation as punishment. I absolutely hate this one, it crossed all these squick lines for me around bullying, humiliation and unfairness so… not one I can ever watch again.

1.01 The National Anthem - worst

In fact I haven’t watched this one, because the content of it traumatised so many of my friends. But with the content of the story? yeah, nah.