Catastrophizing and the Medium Case Scenario
This is a trick I’ve slowly been learning for some years, but had a bit of excellent advice from my counselor last year which solidified it for me, so here I am relating it to you so you can learn it
I’ve always been a worrier, a worst-case-scenario imaginer. It’s bad. I’ll be on a train and wonder what my plan is if it derails. I’ve been on turbulent flights and made my peace with death because my imagination told me it was the obvious outcome. I have a vivid and active imagination, and it’s great when it comes to writing but it’s awful when it comes to sleeping alone in an old house that Makes Noises.
When I was a kid I’d make up games like all kids do I’m sure, but sometimes I’d scare myself with them. Here’s an example from while I was playing with my toys in my second-floor bedroom: “What if while I play up here, bad men broke into the house and killed my family? And now they’re heading up the stairs to finish the job?”
So, I’m neurotic and an overthinker, that’s my context. But these don’t have to be defining traits, and in fact, I can change them. For years I didn’t think I could, but then I started learning…
If you, too, are a worst-case scenario person, please read on. I can’t promise to cure you, but this stuff has absolutely helped me.
At the 2015 XOXO convention, the same one I played Deadbolt at, I saw a talk from Nicky Case. Nicky Case made an incredible game called the Coming Out Simulator, but also some awesome interactive explainers. This one, neurotic neurons, stuck with me. Click and give it a play, it takes a couple of minutes and it explains Hebbian learning and how we can rewire our brains.
Last year I read Into the Magic Shop, a book by neuroscientist James Doty about how mindfulness, loving kindness, and most importantly, meditation practices can rewire your brain. (Disclaimer: I read this book because of BTS, no regrets, it’s a great book.)
Then my counselor talked me through the specific exercise I’m about to share. Before you read further, if you’ve seen The Good Place, I want you to think about Mindy St Claire, and the Medium Place.
Got it?
Okay.
Step one is to catch yourself in the act of catastrophizing. Now, this is actually easier said than done. I absolutely didn’t notice that I’d devoted a lot of time to this on Sunday (with all the news about incoming Cyclone Gabrielle) until I was a clenched jaw, nervy mess, but I got there in the end.
Anxiety spirals can look like a lot of things, so pay attention to the tension in your body, the speed and depth of your breathing, and your reactions to other people (are you snapping at them? Irritated beyond reason?) Pay attention to your stressors so you can notice them when they start happening.
Okay, so step one: you’ve caught yourself spiraling and imagining the worst-case scenario over and over, and stressing yourself out. What’s next?
Two: Take a deep breath and let it out, because you probably need it. Take a few.
Three: we’re going back into what-ifs here. But this time I want you to imagine the best possible outcome for the scenario you’ve been thinking of. Write it down, talk to someone about it if that makes it easier, but think it through.
Here’s an example: I’m afraid to go on this flight because what if I get Covid-19 - we change it by imagining the best outcome: What if I get on the flight and due to a booking error, I get upgraded to first class, and my favourite band of all time is also on the flight, and because I’m in first class we become best friends, and then I get backstage passes to all their future shows? What if?
It doesn’t have to be realistic, but it should be a dream that fills you with joy, that makes you laugh, that is fun to imagine. The key here is rewiring neurons remember? Make them associate the flight with something other than fear. Have fun with it, think of details, what will you eat? How will you feel?
Now, it may not be easy to imagine the best-case scenario. I advise talking to a friend or commenting here below if you have trouble.
Now to be sure, in some situations such as terminal illness, accidents, and disasters, it’s harder to imagine a fun outcome. Which is fine. If you can’t imagine a fun best-case scenario, there’s another option. The medium option.
Four: Imagine the medium outcome of this scenario. I’m unlikely to be upgraded to first class and meet BTS, so how about imagining that the flight goes just fine? People who were feeling sick stayed home, and I pass the flight in an ordinary way and don’t contract an illness. I get to eat some airline food, watch some movies, hopefully, sleep a little, and then land safely.
How does it feel to imagine that? Well, it’s not likely to make you laugh, but it can be deeply reassuring.
Apply it to Cyclone Gabrielle: It will be scary, and flooding will happen. I can’t control how badly it will affect me, but I can prepare. I can make bottles of water, I can ensure we have food, and a way to cook without electricity, I can make a grab-and-go bag, and secure what can be secured. With those preparations in place, my medium outcome to imagine is that we’ll be okay. We will stay home for a few days and eat what we have, and offer shelter if any of our friends need it. The storm will suck, but it will be okay.
And so far (knock on wood) that’s how it’s been. As I write this New Zealand has entered a state of emergency for only the third time in its history. My jaw has tightened again and I’m working on consciously relaxing it.
So that’s the trick. When you notice yourself spiraling, try to imagine the best possible outcome and the medium scenario as well. Spend time with them, and imagine as many details as possible. You’ll feel better, you’ll weaken some anxiety-based neural pathways, and reduce your stress. Wins all around.
Once you’re out of the anxiety spiral, you can do practical things to prepare, or you can get other stuff done that you’ve maybe been putting off while you freak out, maybe it’s 2 am and you can finally get to sleep. It’s not a cure-all, but it can interrupt a panic and it gets easier the more you do it.
And the really cool thing is? There’s no limit to how often you can do this, you can spend all your time daydreaming about meeting your favourite band or winning a million dollars, or whatever it is. It’s fun and free of charge, so, I’m going to sign off here, and go imagine meeting BTS again. Stay safe, friends!